How are your Emotional Boundaries?

What are Emotional Boundaries?

We are often aware of what Physical Boundaries are with things like consent being taught in school, and criminal law around tangible things like our bodies,our homes, belongings and others.

Emotional boundaries can be harder to negotiate as the boundary line is invisible. These boundaries include our beliefs, values, emotions, relationship with ourselves, and our emotional experiences.

Personal Responsibility

Both Physical and Emotional Boundaries are put in place based on the premise that we are responsible for everything within them. Crossing boundaries have consequences. With physical boundaries these are observable, and accountability can be reinforced externally through statutory organisations and law.

Emotional boundary crossing is alot more nuanced and harder to perceive sometimes. Statutory organisations and the law are becoming more aware of this, one example of this is 'Coercive control'. However sadly often it is down to the individual to understand their emotional boundaries, emotional responsibility and reassert the boundaries where necessary.

How do I understand Emotional Boundaries and when they've been crossed?

1. Start by identifying the elements that form part of your emotional world and ask the following questions (see paragraph 1).

2. What is the condition of some of those elements?

3. Consider the relationships in your life, do they impact these elements?

4. Do they add to or take from these elements?

5. What are my boundaries with those people and in those areas of my life? What do I allow or not allow?

Where it gets confusing is when someone's words (and occasional actions) prompt emotional response in us.

We can hold someone accountable for the words used (or actions) but the emotional response of the person on the receiving end is within that persons boundary of responsibility.

Absolutely all of our life experiences create a filter that others actions and words pass through. They also influence our emotional response. Considering this also forms part of emotional responsibility and how we set our emotional boundaries.

It's a difficult subject to write about as when we communicate it is on both a social and psychological level. Passive Agressive communication for example can look conflicting between behaviour and psychological communication.

If you need support in negotiating this difficult area. Talking through with a psychotherapist can provide some clarity and skills to but emotional boundaries in place.